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LIMITED TIME OFFER: 8 ESSAYS FOR THE PRICE OF 1!

June 26, 2012

essay means an attempt, right?

1. May 4th: We all have secrets. Some of them involve the Kardashians. Others involve that stench underneath your bed. Whatever they are, tell us something no one knows about you.

If I told you, you wouldn’t be surprised.

2. May 11thImagine it. The ability to lift something with your mind. The possibility of hearing what other people think. The power to do what you want, when you wanted it. That would be the life. And in turn, that is the question: if you could have any super power, what would it be?

Everything I touch would be spangled with rainbow colours. Of course, I’d be able to turn the power off when I wanted, and no one would ever know that it was me.

3. May 18thImmanuel Kant never ventured more than 20 km from his small city of Königsberg. Great as a philosopher as he was, I think he would have trouble answering this question: if you were to leave this very second, dropping everything you were doing, where would you go?

New Mexico. Give me open spaces and red, red earth.

4. May 25th: Believe it or not, you used to poo yourself. You used to play barbies or Lego or whatever. Then you hit puberty. Life became confusing. Life is confusing. Now you’re here, wherever that is, with worries and success combining together in an eerie mixture. But what if you could rewind or go forward. What if you could be any age, what age would you choose?

I would be the early 1900s because that’s when the idea of scientific certainty broke in half.

How would I become a time period? Meh, I’m sure there’s an app for that somewhere.

5. June 1st: No explanation. No answer. Just one question: why. What that means, you’ll have to figure out.

Questions are usually indicated by appropriate punctuation, aren’t they?

6. June 8thLife isn’t always dandy. Sometimes it’s black and blue. Sometimes it’s just plain ugly. Sure any side of this side of the grass is greener, but some days feel like the grass is on fire. Tell us about that day. Tell us about your biggest failure or greatest regret.

I don’t really regret it, it’s more like a special kind of guilt. It was the first grade. I had the option of skipping a grade. I chose to be an exceptional person in my own grade rather than taking the risk of being mediocre in a year above. Or maybe I didn’t choose and just fabricated my thought process after my parents told me what they’d decided. Either way, it’s one of those turning points, ya know?

7. June 15thIf you aren’t still sulking from the last essay, maybe you remembered that someone helped you out during those dark days. Maybe they made it worse. Either or, write about the worst or best advice ever given.

“Things will work out. They always do.” – Tish Smrke

Said at me so many times, but it took a long time for it to make any sense. Now I can’t understand why it’s true. Or, more accurately, why it’s true for me e’ry single time.

8. June 22ndFace it, time is fleeting and us right along with it. Our skin will sag. Our looks will diminish. We’ll never be who we are now ever again. In the end, we will all die. Yet what do we want our last words to be?

So long, and thanks for all the beans.

/

What a bargain!

Do you feel cheap?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. July 3, 2012 8:38 pm

    Worse than cheap. Cheated.

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